and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My hand turned me down
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
