Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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