Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
