Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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