I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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