In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
