It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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