We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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