just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
