the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
