Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
