Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
