Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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