My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
