i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
