I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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