Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
