this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
