Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize