i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
