My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
