oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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