Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize