I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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