she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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