So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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