what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
