I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize