if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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