I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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