i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
