six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
