there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
