i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
