I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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