If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
