i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
