dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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