If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize