Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
