Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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