you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
