brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
