Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
