That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
