please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
