You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize