i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just invented taco cereal.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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