sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
