i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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