How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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