I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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