Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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