"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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