my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
