Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
