I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
