You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
