Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
