come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
