Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
