watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
