My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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