So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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