Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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