I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
