Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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