Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
