Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is Oprah even human
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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