**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
