i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
