Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
