Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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