i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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