I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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