I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
