there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
