My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
