Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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