my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
