last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
