The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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