The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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