imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
