There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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