I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
