Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
