Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
