I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
