All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
