i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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