Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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