he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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