I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
